I am a Bosss




I don’t mind supporting others in a goal, such as making a donation or even purchasing something from their business. Hey, helping others, “I’m about that life”. But when I can’t be out of my house for more than 2 hours without someone tryin ta sell me something!?! Wew, get’s me pissed off to the 100th power. Now I’m reaching for my pressure pills in my pocket that don’t exist. First of all I enjoy giving to homeless people, because then I feel super blessed in the fact that I’m being a blessing. Watch out now Joel Osteen! “we promise we’ll make you feel right at home”. Sounds good and humble of me right? Well guess what, when the man with no legs and a big gut sitting in a wheel chair on the side of NYC Port Authority refused the hot tea and dessert I offered…WEw, I was too beside myself. This mofo rubbed his stomach, told me “people keep offering me food, I’m so full m’am” then continued to shake his cup. What!?! Sooooo, what are you collecting for now? Sounds like this homeless thing is workin out for you after all, and your shaking cup seems to “runneth over”. I almost wanted to ask him if I could hold a few bucks. Then his toothless buddy suddenly shows up in my peripheral and asks me for a money, then another man in need was coming my way. Oh dear, what show is this I just got casted in? It was almost as if they were Zombies in Times Square! All that’s missing is the Vincent Price laugh at the end of the thriller video. God please forgive me, for my sense of humor is quite rigid.

The next day I get to work and was informed by 3 differeent people on my way to my office that a co worker was looking for me. Ok, what’s that about? I though to myself. Just as I put my stuff down in my office and realized why she hunting me down BOOM, on my desk there is a written note from this co worker “the money is due today $24”. Oh yes, did I forget? Friday, I made a purchase from her Grandson’s lil’ catalogue from school. You know the ones with the peanut brittle, pop corn tin, variety cheeses and stuff. The one that after you sell $40,000.00 worth a shit, they give you a mug full of jelly beans. wtf!? Yea, the one with all the pretty wrapping paper for the holidays ya don’t need! why? cause you can get it at TARGET silly rabbit..

So as for “helping out” I put myself down for a soup mug that had a lil side square attached for exactly 6 crackers. Atleast that’s what the picture showed. Yes I counted 6 saltine crackers in the Picture, thank you very much. Cute, useful, eh why not? So I brought two, might as well. Is this item in Bed Bath & Beyond? probably. Could I use my $5 or 20% coupon? Surrre, probably. But why think that deep when your simply making the purchase to “help out”. But jeez lady, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?!! The one day I leave my office door open you leave me a note that I owe you, as if you don’t trust your going to get your money?! REAlly? listen here, the last thing I need and I repeat The Last thing I need is a damn Bill Collector at My job!!. I never told the lady “I’ll gladly pay you tomorrow for a cheeseburger today” did I? You’ll get your damn money, relax!! I put in my order friday, you said money was due wednesday. Dude, it’s wednesday morning, and I just walked in with $24 crispy bucks ready to give to you. Lucky I’m not my Mother. Shux, I remember telling my Mom that the money was due from the catalgue purchase book she took to work, and the lady would snap at me with mad attitute!. “Tell Miss so and so I don’t have it yet”. Knowing good and well she used that money for groceries. oops did I say that? Of course she had intention of putting it back. Oh, my mom is the only one who did that? yea right.

So unless you went to Costo and your selling candy for your made up organization on the spot, don’t ask me to get shit. Oh wait, I forget about those Girl Scout cookies. Oh, they get me every year. I’ll purchase about 10 boxes of those damn thin mints and forget all about it. Paid up front equals peace of mind. Then it’s like a surprise 2 months later when I’m walking to the vending machine for a snickers bar then get the word “your cookies are here!”, Bing to the mutha*#@^** O! What a nice surprise.

Then, after work I go to Target, my favorite store and perfect place to MINd your Own damn Business. Well here comes this well put together friendly woman, “oh I love your hair cut!”. Guess what she was about..guess. Yup, Damn “Mary K.” Here we go! I promise I’m as friendly as a Fairy God Mother especially when I say “no thank you”. I walk to another section, and then I hear a females voice “excuse me m’am, do you know Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior”. Woo, this is a tough one. If I say yes, Linda then what? If I say no, Is the devil gonna take over her sales pitch? I just move fast like I forget the oven on at home “yes I know Jesus, he just told me to tell you don’t talk to me”. LOL. Of course I didn’t really say that! I was back to my fairy God Mother “no thank you” and made a quick get away.

NOw I got what I need, and I’m ready to get on line, then the devil get’s busy and turns me around to check out sale items in the towels & linens. Shit I don’t need! Well, now there is a friendly male voice “excuse me Miss, are you taking advantage of all your retirement options” or some shit like that. At this point I could curse out a nun. I’m so finished with everyone. I turned and I promise I was talking through my clenched teeth with fire in my eyes “yes, I have a retirement plan, thank you”. ANy minute my head was about to spin, and green vomit was gonna be everywhere. I walked about and smoke was coming from my ears.

CAn I not enjoy my shopping “me time” without someone trying to sell me something?? The answer is especially NO when I get outside and there’s a damn Veteran ringing his bell for donations!!! Woo, now I’m reaching for a pack of cigarrette’s in my bag that don’t exist(I don’t smoke but If I did I would smoked 9 packs by then) I can’t say no to Jimmy with missing limbs fighting for our country. Then I think of Kunta Kente and wish he was here so I could drop a few bucks in his bucket too. Cause then it would be fair.

Everything has been tested just by others hustles and the need to survive. My integrity, my heart, my faith, my level of vanity and my damn responsibility via retirement planning. My ability to get out of a tight rope and constantly practice the freedom of saying NO Thank you. I’m not knocking anybody, I’m just asking that you please understand that you are one of many with a sale pitch. SHux, I know cause I’ve even worked in sales. The abilty to read a person in 7 seconds, make your pitch, and go for the sale. But you gotta know when a person just doesn’t wanna be bothered. I said it..BOTHERED.

MAN, at the end of the day I just want to go home, sit on the couch and turn on the tv. Atleast when they are trying to sell me something I can turn the channel…..